woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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