So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize