I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
