I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
