I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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