Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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