I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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