idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
