I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑