yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.