Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

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(757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw

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(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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(204): between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/u2b0

Replies (28) Good night (1064) Bad night (4736)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero

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(859): Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero http://tfl.nu/5voz

Replies (9) Good night (4920) Bad night (1613)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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(720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx

Replies (4) Good night (5651) Bad night (1126)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?

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(301): Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich? http://tfl.nu/66qn

Replies (25) Good night (5567) Bad night (1372)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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(303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl

Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (2455)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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(306): I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards. http://tfl.nu/0ymc

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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.

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(813): The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job. http://tfl.nu/jr9a

Replies (10) Good night (1833) Bad night (650)
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(561): View more from Florida

I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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(561): I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line? http://tfl.nu/0ivn

Replies (10) Good night (942) Bad night (1306)
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(863): View more from Florida

I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.

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(863): I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life. http://tfl.nu/jtja

Replies (8) Good night (2821) Bad night (651)
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(850): View more from Florida

She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.

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(850): She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off. http://tfl.nu/vexh

Replies (10) Good night (1507) Bad night (692)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.

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(913): I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against. http://tfl.nu/anj9

Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (371)
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(613): View more from Ontario

My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.

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(613): My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break. http://tfl.nu/fmum

Replies (0) Good night (1294) Bad night (435)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised

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(719): I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised http://tfl.nu/0hc3

Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (374)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings

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(306): Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings http://tfl.nu/zw2p

Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (328)

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