he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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