You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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