see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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