If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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