new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
