I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
