You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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