I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
