Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
