Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
