I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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