You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
