this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
