I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
