it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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