New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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