I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
