Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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