I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
