I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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