I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
