I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
