I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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