my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
