i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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