in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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