My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
