I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
