I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
