paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
