You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize