you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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