Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
