R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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