We got so high we made milksteak
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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