That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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