Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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