I can tuck mytits in my pants
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
