thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We talked him into tasing himself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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