I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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