I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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