I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
