Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
