And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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