one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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