That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
