What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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