Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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