How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
