I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
