Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize