He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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