There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
