Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
