Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
