she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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