i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
id be glad to
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
