Will you blow on my dice?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
