I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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