The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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